I used to collect stickers when I was a kid. This is one sticker you DON’T want in your collection.
The Emergency Department (ED) at RAH is one of the most stressful, yet amazing and action packed workplaces I have ever seen.
Unfortunately Dad is now in the RAH after a very traumatic week. You never know what is gonna happen with Dementia and this week is no exception.
Bravo to nurses, carers, docs and everyone who has been helping us….you are our heroes.
This is Dementia….
This is a very special video of Bob dancing with Shani. It was the day after Shani and Earl got married and rather than sleep in and sit around the pool they chose to visit the nursing home. The fact that this young couple dressed up in their wedding outfits just for the residents was really appreciated.
The nursing home was buzzing and people were crying as the bride danced with Bob. It was the first time in many years that the residents had seen a real bride, and the first time ever a bride and groom had visited the home. I thought it was funny that Dad still held onto his comb while he danced with Shani…This is dementia.
Well done Shani and Earl for thinking of others and making someone else’s day on the biggest day of your lives. Congratulations……
I know 2 people that will be getting these t-shirts for xmas.
This is Dementia… (and having fun with it!)
Today I went to visit my Dad at his nursing home and I came across a normally bubbly English lady slumped across a piano. She was sad and crying so I sat next to her on the stool and asked what was wrong. she said ” Do I stink?” I said ” Of course you don’t!” She then said “Everyone thinks I do”. I then changed the subject and asked her to tell me a poem – which she rattled off with ease. We then played that duet on the piano (the one which most people can play that don’t know how to play piano). She then was a little brighter.
I then went to Burnside Village and was in our pop- up shop in the older part of the Centre (elderly clients). I was rushing around as per normal and just walked out the door as per usual, but I accidentally cut in front of a lady in a walking frame who was travelling extremely slowly. I then tripped over a drain, stumbled and almost fell. The lady and her friend then unleashed the biggest “tirade” of abuse at me for pushing in front of her. I said ” I am really sorry about that”….She then yelled at me ” YOU ARE NOT BLOODY SORRY AT ALL!!!” and then kept walking. This played on my mind for the rest of the day, but had to ‘cop my whack’ for not being aware of my actions.
I then left Burnside and was driving to our warehouse when I saw an elderly lady in a red cardigan laying on her side on the footpath with a very distressed look on her face. Her shoes were off, handbag wide open, and shopping bags everywhere so I pulled over the van and ran to help her. The lady had tripped on a paver and could not get herself up. She had hit her head, and was bruised all over. I sat with her for 5 minutes to allow her time to gather her breath etc. I held herhands as she tried to get up ( which took an eternity) and she was so nice to me and we had a chat on the footpath. She told me several cars went past and no-one stopped (which is disgraceful). I then offered to drive her to her home several blocks away, which she gladly accepted. As I helped her in the van she patted me on the back to show her appreciation. I bantered with her on the way to her home and said ” I can’t wait to tell my wife I picked up an older woman today!” …we laughed, and then I found out she is a Sydney Street customer 🙂 Two days later I received a handwritten letter thanking me for helping her.
All this in one day and 100% true stories…..So what did I learn????
1. Women of all ages have feelings and even though they may overthink plenty of stuff, we need to be mindful of that.
2. Allowing a lady to express herself gets a lot better result than dealing with things on her own.
3. I am rubbish at piano playing!
4. Beware of elderly women ( and men) in walking frames….We all get frustrated with them holding us up etc….but I will be a bit more careful and slower in future.
5. No matter how old a woman is, be wary she can still hand out a ‘spray of abuse’ when required:-)
6. Elderly women really appreciate any help they can get.
7. Elderly women are vulnerable and trusting.
8. They are some of the nicest people you will ever meet, and if you give them your time, you will be rewarded.
9. Respect them….they have earnt it!
10. Karma is an amazing thing.
So this Mother’s Day make sure you acknowledge and look after your Mum, your Grandma (or Nana)…..and don’t forget Great Grandma either!
Give them a hug, and actually think about things from their angle…not just your own. This may open up a whole new way of looking after them and caring for them.
Have a great Mother’s Day this Sunday!
PS- I don’t think we should forget Mum’s who have passed away, and what about women who cannot medically have kids, and those that choose to not have them….. Bugger it! – How about we call it “Every Woman’s Day”? :—)
Men’s Group Update – Toy Car Project Completed! ( 5 weeks)
I turned my back to pour some drinks for the residents only to find one member using different wheels to the rest. This car only had 2 wheels as Dad was hungry:-)
Dad got hold of the Pringles and created his own custom made toy car. This is obviously why I am not handy either.
This is Dementia…
I was totally moved recently by an 80 year old man with Dementia called Duncan. In the middle of a recent lunchtime in the dining room at the aged care home, he stood up in front of 40 other residents and carers, as he had something very important to say. Pots were clanging, people were talking and the ambience of the room was busy and stressful. Duncanpushed back his chair, stood up, and then loudly addressed the room.
” Excuse me everyone, my name is Duncan for those that don’t know me, and I have something important to say…”.
Duncan then delivered an impromptu speech, which was one of the most powerful & heartfelt speeches I have heard. Duncan silenced the room as he emotionally pleaded for someone to come forward with some ideas on how he can find his wife who was lost. He would accept any idea, no matter how silly, rude or crude ( his words) as any idea would be a good one as he was desperate. He told us where he last saw Ruby, and that he needed to find her as she would be missing him greatly.
After two minutes of Duncan telling us about his love for his wife Ruby, he thanked everyone for listening, burst into tears and sat down. The entire room was in shock and no one knew what to do….there is nothing in the care manual that says how to handle such a situation.We all wanted to help him and come up with an idea to find her.
The nurses weren’t sure whether Duncan needed further medication to calm him down, the carers did not know whether to give him a hug and comfort him, or tell him to be quiet and finish his meal.
It was an awkward silence that left everyone speechless.
The saddest part about Duncan’s story is that Ruby will never be found as she died 12 years ago. This is the toughest decision in Dementia….do you tell the person with Dementia the truth that a loved one has passed away, and crush their hopes and reason for themselves living? Or do you tell a white lie and give them hope of one day reuniting with their loved one?
This is Dementia….
Just had my nursing home ‘Feel Good’ moment for the week. A very kind country farmer named Jim came up to me and apologised to me for not attending my Men’s Group activity recently. I explained to him that we did not have a session last week as I was at the Field Days in Karoonda.
He then said “Oh…ok then..I wasn’t actually worried about missing the activity, I just wanted to make sure my relationship with you is all ok”.
Awwwwww……:-)
This is Dementia
To me this pic represents a HUGE WIN for the Men’s Group in the Memory Support Unit at my Dad’s nursing home. After the disaster last week when all the residents abandoned my shoe shine activity in under 6 minutes, this week we achieved the opposite result:
100% participation.
Everyone was engaged for over an hour.( we had to eventually tell them to go back to their rooms).
The ladies spectated for a short while then left us men to it. ( our new man cave)
Everyone cheered and clapped when someone sank a putt.
*But most importantly we found an activity that a ‘chair bound’ resident could do ( sitting down one handed) who previously could not do anything but eat and drink through a straw. He thoroughly enjoyed himself and to see the look on his face was the best thing I have seen in 2015.
This is Dementia . . .
PS – that is a piece of cake sitting next to the flag – just to ensure they stay focused!
MORE QUOTES FROM ‘FEISTY FRED’ ( the 94 yo grumpy bastard with dementia at the nursing home)
Brett: How ya going today Fred?
Max: Up the sh*t if you really wanna know!
Feisty Fred: that woman over there is the most hated woman in this place. I am going to go over and shoot her in the face one day!
Brett: How ya going today Fred?
Feisty Fred: Not good at all. I am feeling crook. I am dizzy and I feel like I am swimming in a pool of sh*t
Feisty Fred: she is a triple murderess that bitch over there. I wanna just punch her in the moosh. (mouth)
Feisty Fred: go and get stuffed you silly old tart!
Feisty Fred: why don’t you just drop the thing in the damn hole you cheating bastard?!!!.( while playing inside golf)
Feisty Fred: why do you keep playing these games everytime I am asleep?….(Brett: it’s 2pm Fred!)
The Lifestyle Coordinator of Dad’s nursing home asked me if I was prepared to be responsible for running the Men’s Group on a regular basis (as a volunteer). This entailed providing activities for up to 8 men every Thursday afternoon. I jumped at the opportunity and thought to myself ” How hard can this be?”. I have been observing the care staff for over 6 months now and had picked up valuable tips along the way. One thing I learnt was that the more you know about your resident, the better care you can provide.
I asked for the case notes on each resident and studied their personal history. I researched their life stories including hobbies, sports, achievements, family history and experiences. I found this information really interesting as it often explains why certain behaviours occur. By knowing this information you can understand how the person thinks, and it can give you clues on how to reason with people when they become aggressive or agitated. It also explains why residents become upset, and feel guilty etc.
It was two days before my first official Men’s Group activity and I was in Dad’s room after showering/shaving him etc when he grabbed a tissue, bent down and started to clean my shoes. It actually engaged him for a minute or two, which is something we had not been able to find in recent times. This sparked a brainwave with me that I could conduct a ‘shoe shining’ session with the men on Thursday. The activity is tactile, they would know how to shine shoes as they had done it many times before, and they may have a sense of pride in completing a worthwhile task. My brain was buzzing with ideas and the more I thought about it, the more I believed I had the perfect male activity. The men will love it!
I frantically prepared over the next 2 days, filling my van with shoe stands, rags, foam shoe shine kits, old posters, tables, stools, and anything I could find related to shoe shining. I also constructed activity plans which document how I set up and perform each activity, and allows any person (paid carer or volunteer) to be able to follow the instructions. I formulated check lists to make for faster preparation of food and drink trolleys. I also created an activity report so I can document the results of each activity as it happens.
I felt the men needed a uniform to set us apart from the women and the aprons would also help us bond and make us feel like a team. The next day I went to K-Mart and purchased 8 black aprons. I was really excited and thought that I was about to ‘put on a show’ that will revolutionize the care industry and enrich the resident’s lives…or so I thought.
Thursday had arrived and it had a ‘Grand Final-like’ buzz for me. I was edgy, and pumped in readiness for my Men’s Group activity debut. I had a spring in my step as I loaded in all my props, tables etc into the dining room. Everything I did I had the resident’s well being ‘front of mind’. I prepared tables that were waist height so the men didn’t have to bend over, I kept the area tight so the men could sit closer to each other and hear one another better ( many are deaf). I used wax polishing kits to avoid mess, aprons for the same reason, and music to keep the mood happy. I brought in 20 shoes on a stand to be polished. I had a fully loaded food and drinks trolley with the best treats. I was ready to go.
My buddy Sam (paid carer) collected the men from their rooms and walked them to the dining room. I greeted each man and placed a brand new apron on each of them. Dad was the only person who kept taking his apron off. Eventually we had 4 men in the group (the others were either agitated or at appointments) and I had to entertain them for the next 90 minutes. I started by offering each man a drink and a biscuit, which made them all very happy.I grabbed the camera and took a few shots for the nursing home archives while I had everyone in position.It was at this point where things took a turn for the worse.
I handed one man a shoe and helped him apply his polish . He was frustrated because he couldn’t get the polish onto the back part of the shoe. His polishing sponge also was breaking apart and the shoe wax was like glue. A minute later he said ” I want to go to the bathroom”. Sam walked him back to his room while I helped a 94 year old resident called ‘Feisty Fred’. He was in one of his grumpy moods and he snapped at me with ” WHAT ARE WE BLOODY DOING THIS FOR? MY SHOES ARE FINE!” I tried to calm him by saying ” I have all these shoes to clean Fred, I really need your help to get them done”. He yelled back ” THAT’S YOUR PROBLEM, NOT MINE”.
I was starting to feel the pressure now because all the other carers were watching me and I really wanted this to work. Sam then returned from the toilet, but without his resident. Sam came up to me and whispered ” I need to tell you Brett, that the resident did not really want to go to the toilet, he made an excuse to get away from the activity”. I was disappointed but battled on, as I expected at least one resident may walk away. I then worked on ‘Feisty Fred’ by helping him polish his shoe. His polishing sponge also fell apart and the wax smeared across the shoe leaving a trail of sticky sponge bits. “What the hell is happening here?” I thought to myself. Now Dad and the other remaining resident had sticky messy shoes at the same time.
Ahhhhhh…….things started to unravel now. I had to grab a rag and try and get all the gluey sponge bits off everyone’s shoe. The residents were all complaining. Feisty Fred then yelled out ” THIS IS SHIT!… IT’S A BLOODY MESS”. I didn’t know who to help first. I went after ‘Fred first as he was making the most noise. As I wiped the shoe. He yelled out again ” LOOK AT THE BLOODY MESS ALL OVER MY BLANKET?” ( it was over his legs keeping him warm – even though it was 36 degrees). So I started to brush off the glue bits from his tartan rug. He then stood up, took off his apron and said “I am not doing this, I am going back to my room!”. I pleaded with him to stay, and even offered to bring in an old cash register from the van (my Plan B) so he can fix it for me. He wouldn’t have it, and left the group,
My confidence was shattered now as I had lost 2 residents in 2 minutes. I was reeling and now in damage control. I then looked across at Dad and he had grabbed his sticky polishing sponge and decided to rub it all over his face. Ahhhh….now I have two residents with spotty shoes and my Dad who thought he would take a shave with the polish! I grabbed another rag to clean him up, when the other resident, Ralph became agitated. Ralph has dementia, schizophrenia and is incapacitated in a walking frame, can’t speak and has limited mobility. I was thinking to myself “At least he won’t complain or take off”. I was wrong, he began to shake his frame and grunt at me. His body language was crystal clear , it said ” I wanna get outta here…Now!”. Sam noticed this also and decided that he better walk Ralph back to his room.
So there I am sitting with Dad amongst all this shoe shine setup, and I was now desperate. The other carers were starting to laugh as they observed from a distance. I then whispered to Dad ” I really need you here, can you just sit with me and polish this shoe?” He grabbed the shoe and threw it straight on the floor. What???? I then rolled my last dice. I said to Dad through gritted teeth ” Just sit with me and you can have extra chips and some Monte Carlo biscuits….I need you”. My plea fell on deaf ears, Dad stood up grabbed two Monte Carlo biscuits and went back to his room. Oh my god!…..I am now sitting here polishing my 2o shoes in an apron by myself and trying to bribe my Dad with biscuits. This was meant to be my showcase performance.
I was thinking to myself, “I have just lost my entire Men’s Group in 6 minutes, including my Dad. What am I going to do for the next 84 minutes?”. The feeling I had was one of complete devastation and now I had to do the ‘walk of shame’, as I slowly packed up all my gear and carried it back out to my van in front of the other carers. I was really feeling sorry for myself, my ego was bruised and I had just blown the budget on an activity that lasted 6 minutes that everyone hated. I walked back and forth to the store room with head bowed reviewing my performance in my head over and over. The scary part was I could not think what I would change to make things better. I was not able to fill out my report as I was so negative.
The Coordinator saw me and called me into her office for a de-brief. She asked “How did it go?” I told her the truth and said ” It was a disaster”. She tried to comfort me by saying ” With dementia you never know what is going to happen next, and you need to celebrate the small moments within a session”. I told her that I did not have any small moments to celebrate, and even my Dad left me! She was trying to counsel me, but then ended up bursting into laughter and was not able to stop. She apologised as she laughed, and said ” well things can only get better from here”. She continued to laugh and she was holding her stomach as it hurt from all the laughing.
I drove back to work depressed and mentally exhausted. I parked the van in the loading dock at Burnside Village and actually fell asleep at the wheel for 20 minutes. When I awoke I drove home and went over in my head what went wrong. My next challenge …..what the hell do I do next week?
The next morning I turned up to see Dad and ‘face the music’ with the other carers. I walked into Dad’s room ( who was just dozing on his bed) and something did not feel right. I looked around and peered into the open bathroom. I then got the shock of my life, sitting on Dad’s toilet was a large 84 yo female resident who was lost and had decided to stop in for a ‘tinkle’. I certainly thought my day could not be worse than the day before, maybe it will be?
This is dementia . . .
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