Category: Diary Blog

The Ladies in The Nursing Home Are Working Me Over…

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I was in dad’s room when 75yo ‘Country Clare’ came to the door and said “There is a lady over there desiring your attention”. I thought to myself ‘this will be interesting’.

I walked over to the table and sat with 84yo ‘Worried Wilma’ who wanted help folding napkins. I sat down and worked out how to fold the napkins and the ladies followed.

‘Worried Wilma’ was crying all the time and telling me how “she hadn’t done anything wrong”…I gave her a tissue and told her that she is doing fine and everyone knows she is a good person.

As I was busily folding she leant over to me and said ” you are a lovely boy but you look a bit ‘dainty’ folding those napkins”. ( we then laughed at her accurate observation)…

The next minute she pointed to the messy pile of napkins and said “has that cat always been there?”.

This is dementia……

Body Language…Actions Speak Louder Than Words

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After my years of experience with dad and his Alzheimer’s disease, I would have to say the that the no#1 thing that has helped us though has to been to be able to read his body language. When a person has dementia they often do not have the ability to tell you when they are in pain or may not have the ability to even string words together in a sentence.

I can actually talk for hours with dad with him speaking “dementianese” (Ijust made that up :)) and me just reading his body language and facial cues. I have no idea what he is actually saying to me but we can converse by body language which is extremely powerful. I will answer him with ‘general answers’ and plenty of facial acknowledgement.

We can laugh together, chat together and we can even feel his pain together by simply watching his movements and face. If dad touches anywhere near his belt..it is toilet time. If he pulls at his buttons he his frustrated or bored, if he stabs a fork into an armchair…he is definitely not happy! (he did this only a few days ago).

By reading the cues you can avoid agitation before it happens and often prevent situations occurring. My question of the day is:

“how do you safely remove a potential weapon eg cutlery, from a person with dementia without hurting them and reducing the risk to myself or others? Any suggestions?…….I may even ask the police or our trainers to see the best methods, as this is really important, and can occur without notice or provocation.

Thanks

‘Big & Brave’ Changes Required in Dementia Care

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I was watching tv with the residents in the nursing home and I realised that much of the current day news and tv shows are violent, have themes of murder, are explicit or inappropriate. When the Lindt Cafe siege was being beamed onto our tv screens it was ‘around the clock’ coverage with a live feed. I can only imagine that if these tv channels are left on all day, these events can become a reality for people with dementia, or disturbing to say the least.

It would be very interesting to read the handover reports from that day(and the day after) or even 9/11 to see if there was an impact on resident behaviour and demeanour.

We need to come up up with some BIG ideas and creative thinking for people with dementia. What about a TV channel dedicated to the people with dementia and the elderly? It could have news services with violent reports removed, age appropriate movies and dramas, they could even have customised shows that replay old tv adverts eg Colgate, Vegemite etc…..

This tv channel could be beamed into every nursing home via Foxtel and have a positive impact on thousands of people and potentially could positively influence nursing homes on mass by simply turning on the television. The carers would not need to worry about changing channels and loading dvd’s there roles may also be helped as the passive entertainment can be constantly providing it’s own sort of therapy in the background.

We would need to give Andre Rieu a regular time slot though:)

A Story I Am Not Proud Of…..

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I was at a country field day several years back and I was buying some lunch at one of the stalls. While I was waiting in the line I heard this lad about 11 years old swearing at his grandma & grandpa. No matter what they did he told them to “F*#@ Off”. I was astounded at the vocabulary on this lad and the lack of respect for his grandparents. The boy was really loud and really obnoxious and his abuse was escalating.

My inner voice was saying to me – “These grandparents obviously have no idea how to control this kid and he must have terrible parents with a mouth like that”. The scene was getting awkward with this tirade of bad language and concerned mothers were moving their own kids away to keep their ears protected from such a poor example. The grandma kept calm yet seemed embarrassed as this boy did whatever he liked.

I nearly went up to the boy and told him to settle down, but chose to do what most people do and talk with other people on the line and judge the boy and the family. I was so shocked I actually rang my wife and said ” I have just witnessed the worst example of parenting in my life and this kid is gonna end up in jail”. I then bought my hotdog and drink and went back to my business thinking I am glad I am not those grandparents…how embarrassing.

Several months later I thought about that day again and I started to feel terrible. I realised this boy must of had a severe case of Tourette’s Syndrome (or possibly ADHD). I would bet my life savings that those grandparents were trying to give the parents of the boy a well deserved break and trying to provide a normal day for the boy where he can be around the general public, irrespective of his behaviour. I distinctly remember the face of the grandma as she was so embarrassed but resided to the fact that all the people around her had judged her (and her family) in a really unfair manner.

What I realise now is these grandparents need our admiration and support and probably a medal for having the courage to not only put up with the abuse, and having to feel the harsh judgement from others but for trying to provide a ‘small piece of normality’ for this boy no matter the consequences to them. I wish I could turn the clock back and deal with this situation completely differently. Us people talking behind their backs should actually go up to grandma and ask “is there anything we can do to help?, as it seems you are having a tough day” . This may open the conversation to find out what the ‘real story’ is.

I will never know 100% what the real story was that day, but it made an impact on my thinking and how I deal with people in the future. So why I am bringing this story up in a dementia based group????…..

I felt it was relevant because it is the same stigma carers and family caregivers feel when a person with dementia behaves differently and/or displays behaviours that are extreme or socially unacceptable in a public place. I am sure many of you have felt this judgement with someone you know or love. I never feel embarrassed with what Dad does in public anymore and I am proud of him no matter what. I will also take him wherever I can regardless of what people think. It is not about me, it is about ‘his moment’.

The story about the swearing boy has changed me as a person so when I now see people behaving ‘a bit different’ I now think to myself ……

“…..is it dementia?…..”

Games…Some Variations on Some Old Favourites

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Was at a garage sale yesterday and couldn’t resist buying some new games for the residents at the nursing home.

The hookey game is actually an old table stand but as it has multiple prongs up to 4 people can play at once in a circle. I removed the multiple rings from another game to allow everyone to play at same time.

The ‘Grip Ball’ game was a huge hit and I tested it on the residents with sight problems and they loved it. The fact the ball was caught 9 times out of 10 allowed residents who would normally drop the ball to be successful and be amazed and laugh at how the ball sticks.

Certainly got my $3 of value from these games.

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When Things Get Romantic in The Nursing Home

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I thought it might be an interesting topic to discuss ‘romantic friendships’ in the nursing home. Most men and women crave love and attention, and people with dementia are no different.

People with dementia can often forget who they are actually married to, believe they are married to another resident, can fall in love with a new person each day, and also act on things without hesitation.

All very complicated scenarios but happen each day in our nursing homes. Husbands and wives of people with dementia have to be extremely tolerant and accept ‘new conditions’ when they place their partner in a nursing home environment. I can only imagine the emotional turmoil partners must be feeling in these situations.

The Meal Tray…’Food for Thought’

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I like to analyse all aspects of care from the person with dementia’s perspective. I have realised that there are some fine details that are potentially being missed and should be talked about.

Hospital Meals:

In hospital the food tray is delivered to the bed by someone from the catering department. The nurse (or nurse special) is given the task of ensuring the patient has their food. If the nurse does not know much about dementia, they may not be aware that the person may be incapable of using cutlery and feeding themselves. When Bob was in hospital he was so medicated he could not physically feed himself or use cutlery. He literally would just sit over the tray and look at it.The nurse would encourage him to eat his food and place the tray in front of him but actually have no idea that Bob was incapable of eating without assistance. The barely eaten tray would then be collected by catering staff and I believe if we were not there, would be none the wiser.

I am not trying to point blame, but highlight how a lack of knowledge about dementia can cost someone their meal and potentially could result in the doctor making a medical decision in the future if it was reported that the patient was not eating their food. When in fact they did not know HOW to eat their food.

Containers with lids are also common in hospital. I would suggest that dementia patients may not eat these as they do not have a clue how to open them. eg fruit containers/yoghurt etc…

Are ‘dementia friendly’ meals a silly idea for people with dementia in hospital?

Nursing Homes:

I recently watched a resident not eat his meal because he was unable to judge the distance his bowl was away from him. He struggled with his spoon and also finding the soup. He gave up eventually and the carer went to take the bowl away as he felt the man didn’t like it or was not hungry. I gave the man some bread and he dipped it in the soup and really enjoyed it. The carer jumped in and fed him with his spoon and he finished the entire bowl. This needed to be written on notes that the man now needs assistance.

Hygiene: Time often permits when moving residents in and out for meals in the nursing home. The antibacterial gel probably should be a standard procedure before a meal is served. Even if the gel is nearby the majority of residents would have no idea what it is or what it does, and would need reminding.

What are your thoughts on the meal process??

‘Feisty Fred’ The 95yo Grumpy Bugger is at it Again in the Nursing Home

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Incident #1

I was standing with another carer and a couple of residents when Fred hobbled up to us in his suit and loudly announced ” I wanted to have a conversation with some intelligent people, but it is pretty obvious I am in the wrong place. I’m off!….”

Incident #2

Fred came up to me and said “I would appreciate if you could direct me to where they serve breakfast?”. I said “You have already had it it Fred!” Then he snapped back with “Well I don’t think so…they haven’t given me a f%#@en thing here in 6 weeks!”

Incident #3

Fred went up to a female carer and said to her “I was gonna go and tell you to go to buggery, but you are so stupid you probably don’t even know where it is!”

Incident #4

Fred was tired again and said to me “Man, I am tired….I guess I should be at 99”. I said to Fred “You are 95 Max…but I bet you reach 100, and then you will get a letter from the Queen”. Fred replied with “Oh that would be nice, then I could send it back to her and tell her to go and get stuffed! Wonder how she will like that? (laughs)”.